Tulane and Johnny opened a novelty shop
Back under the counter was the cream of the crop
Eveything was clicking and the business was good
'Til one day, lo and behold, an officer stood
Johnny jumped the counter but he stumbled and fell
But Tulane made it over Johnny ??? as he yelled

Go ahead on, Tulane, he can't catch up with you
Go Tulane, he ain't man enough for you
Go Tulane, use all the speed you got
Go Tulane, you know you need a lot
Go Tulane, he laggin' behind
Go ahead on, Tulane

Go by your father's house and tell him business is slow
And see if he will loan us something, soon as he hits the dough
Put the cat out in the hall and rumple up the room
Go by Doctor Keller's, tell him you swollowed some perfume
Tell him we need him quick, 'cause he may to testify
That you been sick all day and that's a perfect alibi

Go ahead on, Tulane, he can't catch up with you
Go Tulane, he ain't man enough for you
Go Tulane, use all the speed you got
Go Tulane, you know you need a lot
Go Tulane, he laggin' behind
Go ahead on, Tulane

Go, let Danny drive in case you run into the man
Back by the shop and get the stuff and hide it in the van
Go back by your father's, get the money for the bail
And bring it down and bail me out this rotten, funky jail
We got to get a lawyer in the click of politics
Somebody who can win the thing or get the thing fixed

Go ahead on, Tulane, he can't catch up with you
Go Tulane, he ain't man enough for you
Go Tulane, use all the speed you got
Go Tulane, you know you need a lot
Go Tulane, he laggin' behind
Go ahead on, Tulane, go ahead on